2021 was a big year for me! It went like this… 20th June, my son Jeru died of cancer that was all over his body and when I found out, I was told I’d be lucky if he would make two weeks. He made 9 days.
In those last 9 days, we would be in the car together and then go for walks in the park because we dropped my mum off at the hospital so she could have her daily radiation therapy. Two of my most loved souls and biggest rocks that I counted on were both dying at the same time, both leaving me.
June 30th after a long legal battle, I officially became unemployed after speaking up about bullying & harassment at a company I used to work for. So much for the system that’s supposed to support you!
September 9th Skyla (my girl dog) starts labour with the first pup being stillborn. The next pup is born and is also dead and didn’t look right. The third pup is born and its sack was black and green and that’s when I realised something had gone horribly wrong. An emergency drive to the animal hospital, an x-ray and CT scan says there are 5 pups in total and all are dead. They want to do surgery to remove the pups and de-sex her.
My heart sank, I couldn’t stop crying, I could hardly breathe, F$ck this was all too much, how much death can one person deal with at a time! It had gone from the excitement of something good happening for the year to another 5 deaths to deal with and almost losing Skyla as well.
September 11, Sharman (my other boy dog & Jeru’s son) has cancer and requires urgent surgery. Seriously is this really happening, I am in hell already?
September 28, a family member and her partner stayed at my house to help me with mum and the house. September 30, she leaves and got nasty on the way out. There I was crying. I put my hand up for help to my family only to be shat on and to make it worse.
October 2nd, I was accused of not taking good care of mum and being nasty to her to my family who had not lifted a hand to come and help. By October 11, the only family I had left was my mum, dad and Skyla & Sharman.
I was struggling to get thru every moment of the day, I realised there was no help coming. It was just me, helping mum full time and I had to cope. Every day was getting harder, she was getting sicker and sicker – the cancer was eating her from the inside and she started to have that dying look. She needed help with everything.
November 1 at 4am, mum had a fall and I struggled to pick her up. She smashed her face against the toilet wall and fell head first. She was in so much pain.
November 2 at 2pm, she was placed into palliative care. It was such a hard thing to do. Place your mum into a place where you know she’s not going to return from. It was one of the hardest days of my life.
November 11 at 5pm, mum had a severe pain attack and I watched her scream and gasping for air as they used morphine and ketamine to trying and get the pain under control. By 7pm she was anesthetized because the pain was so bad. It was that moment I knew mum had started to leave this earth. I drove home that night and really tried to not remember that image or feel that feeling but they are as vivid now, as they were then!
November 14 5:20am, mum died and I felt her leave. I woke up to this incredible warm feeling like my body was having a CT scan of warmth. I knew it was mum embracing me, saying goodbye, it felt so warming, loving and unconditional that I embraced it. I recognised it, because its exactly what Jeru did after he died.
At 5:41am the phone rings and it was the palliative care nurse. I asked her, did my mum die 20 mins ago, she said, she died at 5:20am. I got out of bed, made a coffee and felt really happy for mum. I said out loud, Well done Mumze you made it to heaven, your pain is over. I felt relieved.
Then after you get some sleep, a few weeks later, reality sets in I realised she was gone! Both mum & Jeru gone! My soul mates, they left me and I started to wonder why I was still here! The duality of being happy for them but sad that I was still here started to set in.
So I’m fun, people love to invite me out and enjoy my company! I’m doing great and life is AHMazing!
But I am doing ok, because grief is not about moving on, because moving on implies that we forget, that we let go, that we replace. It’s like because that person or animal is dead, that everything has to die with them and we are not healthy or dealing with it if we don’t move on. It’s like saying that life, death and love are just moments that I can leave behind me.
But if you love someone, do you have to leave them behind, or can they live with you?
Personally, my mum lives on with me in many ways, she’s helped me renovate my house and the windows that mum paid for are with me every time I look out of them, mum protects me from the wind & the rain. Mum loves dragonflies and every time I’m missing her and I’m outside, all the sudden these dragon flies appear out of nowhere and they do infinity symbols around me.
I have her cancer cap that hangs on a photo of her and every day she smiles at me because she’s on the screen saver of my computer. My mum is in my heart, the songs that I sing, the flowers she planted and the very words that I write right now, because her last gift to me was a brand new MacBook because she knew I always wanted one and that one day I would start writing again.
Jeru’s son Sharman is here with me and every day, I see Jeru in him. Jeru also comes up on my screen saver and the dogs play with his favourite toy which has his scent on it. Jeru is still with us in spirit and the other day, Sharman became a father of some healthy puppies and I know Jeru is in there. Jeru’s in each and every one of those little cuties.
I have a playlist that Jeru and I listened to for those last 9 days and when I want to feel him around me, I play it and I can vision him sticking his fluffy head out the car window. He did everything he could to last as long as could just for me.
I’ve not moved on from Mum or Sharman but I am learning to move forwards with them. The pain and memories of watching Jeru collapse in his final moments and seeing mum suffer will always stay with me as they are a part of me and those dark deep moments only happened between us. It was so personal but I knew, it was my job to help them leave this life and transition to their next life. It was horrific yet such a privilege at the same time.
I asked people if grief is about healing or about support and all but 1 person said support.
Perhaps it’s because grief isn’t something we move on from, let go of and try to wipe out. It’s an emotion and a feeling that can be triggered anywhere, anytime by anything. You don’t see it coming and most of the time you can’t control it. Grief is an ongoing process and something that each and every one of us need support with.
My Grief & Loss Counsellor (Priss) says “you need to give yourself that moment and feel it” she says “they deserve that and it’s a way of honouring them”. I believe it’s important to move forwards with them, to be grateful for the moments, memories and experiences you shared.
Grief support is something every person needs if they have experienced grief.
Tips to help with grief
Allow the “grieving”. When you feel the wave of grief and you get a trigger, don’t stop it, get yourself to a safe place and allow your emotions and feelings to rise. Have a cry, feel the sadness, the loss and remember the memory.
Don’t move on, focus on allowing that person to move forwards with you. Allow them to be with you – this could look like, wearing a piece of jewellery, putting up some positive photos. etc. I have Jeru’s name tag on my key ring and I am wearing mums earrings.
Reach out to your friends, share how you feel, cry with them, vent with them, let the hurt out.
Talk to person/animal that has passed on, their physical might be gone but their spirit will be around you
Create a playlist of their favourite songs – listen to it, cry if you feel like, or sign out loud to them
Focus on a positive memory or experience that you had – I have some photos that make me smile when I see them and they bring back positive memories.
Light a candle to help your emotions pass – you can use the grief support pack which is so comforting and soothing.
Don’t make the loss the centre of your life, that’s not healthy, just take parts of them with you. Grief is not something you understand until its yours.
When you experience grief, understand it’s not a moment in time, it’s not something that’s going to have an immediate fix, it’s there and it’s within you and not all wounds are meant to heal.
Remember that grief is a multi-tasking emotion and it can be ever so powerful.
Remember that grief is mixed in with a lot of emotions and even when a new chapter begins in your life you may feel like you are living in a parallel universe. You may feel happy but the happiness or new love that you experience will bring up your love for the person before. You may feel torn, guilty or not worthy but this is totally part of the process.
You are allowed to be sad for what was and be happy at the same time for what is
Anyway, I just wanted to share some tips and scents that really helped me in the hope they can help you too. Remember that you deserve to get what you want and Gratitude is a powerful secret that is here to help you.
“I lost my mum 7 years ago and after reading this blog, so many things made sense. I got the Grief Support pack and ‘to be honest, the Grief Support scent allows me to feel what I need to feel and at the same time I feel comforted and supported. The Feel Better scent has been helping me to regain my balance and it does make me feel better.” Jayne
“I wish I read this blog years ago but maybe I wasn’t ready, but after reading it, I got the pack and it is helping my to move through my grief and I’m finding its become lighter and lighter. The scents also smell lovely and I am so appreciative they have been made especially for such a sensitive time in your life.” Leonie
Wow! Here’s two powerful questions that can really change your life if you take the time to reflect on them. Not only do they deserve some reflection but most importantly, ask yourself this? Are you living your best life or are you constantly aspiring for more and perhaps missing some of the little things that are right in front of you?
How would you know? When’s the last time you reflected on this?
For the last few weeks, I’ve been hearing this question “are you living your best life?” so I wrote it up on the blog wall and have been waiting for the information to come through. Well, this week some conversations happened and I’ve just been woken up super early with information to share with you.
Last week, I remember a friend saying to me that her and her husband sat down and did a reflection and when they looked back on their goals from 9 years ago, it turns out they are now living the life they want…
They’re married, have 2 beautiful daughters and have even managed to purchase their own home which on paper seemed almost impossible to do. They live in a street where other people are growing their own gardens and home schooling their kids as well, so there is this awesome little community of like-minded people in their very own street.
Another friend of mine was doing some work that she didn’t really enjoy or really want to do then last week, due to a mandatory requirement, turns out she no longer can do that job. At first, she was a little annoyed about it as she needed the income but at the same time, deep down she did feel relieved. Turns out a new job has already manifested and she will be earning more money with less running around and doing more of what she really wants to do.
Another friend of mine has retired, moved down to the coast and set up the life she has been talking about for a couple of years. She mediates each morning, goes for a walk along the water and enjoys the sounds of the birds and nature. She’s free to do what she wants, whenever she wants.
So here I am, observing my friends starting to live their best life and it made me start to self-reflect as well and turns out I am very close to living my best life. I get to make amazing scents, spend time with my dogs, do my gardening and am taking the time to rebuild myself after a very traumatic 2021. I’ve been using the Gratitude scent which has just been really lovely and gentle to help me in the process and have become very grateful for the most simplest of things that I used to take for granted.
Are you living your best life? Do you Self-Reflect?
What Is Self-Reflection?
Simply put, self-reflection is taking the time to think about, meditate on, evaluate, and to think about your behaviours, thoughts, attitudes, motivations, and desires. It’s the process of listening to your thoughts, feeling your emotions and understanding your motivations to determine the “Why?” behind them. I like to call it the “drive” that makes you want something.
Why is Self-Reflection important?
Without self-reflection, we tend to go through life without thinking, moving from one thing to the next without making time to evaluate whether things are actually going well. We don’t pause to think, to analyse or determine what is going well and what isn’t working. Without this, we tend to get stuck in rut and keep creating the same outcomes. You might feel like you’re on a merry go round!
For example, if you’re not doing self-reflection, you might stay in a job you don’t like or a relationship that isn’t going well. You might just keep on running and trying to keep up with things even if things aren’t going well. You can feel like you’re simply trying to keep your head above water, doing the same things over and over again even if they haven’t worked before.
The Benefits of Self-Reflection
It creates learning and understanding. When you go through life without making time to think and reflect, you can miss learning opportunities and miss out on gaining deeper understandings from situations that happen. You just keep busying and move from one thing to the next.
Self-reflection allows you to take a step back and gain perspective on what matters and what really doesn’t. It allows you to process events, situations and achieve clarity on them. It allows you to think deeply and ponder the meaning of your circumstances, emotions, and motivations. It helps you move towards living a wholistic, and integrated best life.
Self-reflection allows you to take a step back and gain perspective on what matters and what can be ignored. It allows you to process events and achieve clarity on them. It allows you to think deeply and ponder the meaning of your circumstances, emotions, and motivations. It enables you to stay on path towards what it is you really want.
3 easy steps to Self-Reflect… Welcome to my 3 G’S…
Goals, Going & Gratitude
Goals: Every year I create a visual manifestation chart which I have on my bathroom wall because it’s the first thing I see in the morning and last thing at night. This helps set my mind in the direction I want and if I wake up in the morning and feel a bit out of sorts, looking at my chart reminds me to reset my focus towards my goals.
So if you haven’t done that, make one. People always ask why I’m such a good creator and its because of that one discipline I do every year without fail. It has up to 10 things that I want and some are physical, mental, emotional, money and health orientated. How do create what you want, if you don’t know what you want?
Going: This simple question is so beneficial. Ask yourself how your goals are going? Look at your goal chart every morning and look at each item on it and ask yourself, how’s that goal going, am I on track, am I doing positive activity towards it?
Do you have any negative thoughts that you need to release – if you do, then take some positive action that day towards that goal. You can use the Letting Go Scent which helps you release any negative thoughts.
Gratitude: is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
I know some people do a really big process around gratitude but a few years ago, we started a gratitude group and all we did was use the Gratitude Scent in a candle, Scent oil, Diffuser or Melt and started to write down what we were thankful each day. We had these groovy little journals we kept by the bed and wrote 3 – 5 things we were grateful that day
The interesting thing was that the group started to receive their goals faster and their life started to flow with ease and grace. It didn’t matter when people wrote a whole paragraph or a simple message that said” Today I am grateful for ……..”, it worked and the Gratitude Scent is still a best seller today.
To help you practice gratitude…
I would like to offer you a FREE GRATITUDE JOURNAL which is a good size to keep next to your bed, pop on a table and you also carry it with you and it includes some really easy steps for you to follow.
The Gratitude Scent helps you to consciously practice gratitude and it’s one of our subtle scents and has some cedarwood, sandalwood and cinnamon in it which helps you to feel calm and be grounded too.
Anyway, I just wanted to share some tips and scents that really helped me in the hope they can help you too. Remember that you deserve to get what you want and Gratitude is a powerful secret that is here to help you.
Wow! There I was slowly losing it, bit by bit. I could feel my frustration turning in anger, I couldn’t speak properly, my temperature increased and driving was really difficult so I pulled over and parked my care. I turned off the music and when I arrived at the Doctors, I didn’t even remember getting there. I walked into the Doctors surgery, answered all the covid questions and everything bloody thing else they needed, only to find that my Dr was 15 mins late.
They asked me to wait in the car, I said NO it was 39 degrees so I didn’t. About 15 mins later they told me I had to wait outside and that my doctor was going to be another 30 mins. I felt the anger inside of me about to explode like a volcano and I remember looking around at the other people who were waiting and wondering why I wasn’t allowed to wait in the air-conditioning like them. I burst into tears and at the same time felt like I would hit something, so I stormed outside and luckily a dear friend rang me and I vented. I vented so hard I think she could have put the phone outside in the middle of a 6-lane highway and still heard me.
She said “you know what”, I think you’re having an anxiety attack. When she told me what was happening, everything made sense. It was in that moment; I was able to start to take control and breather. I remember that “Anxiety goes Up and Depression goes Down”.
My heart was racing, my mind wasn’t computing and I was super sensitive to any sound and noise. Yep, I was a mess and I had no idea what was going on. Mum died of Breast Cancer only 2 months ago and she was my best friend, used to live with me and help me with the business too. Did it just hit me that’s she’s gone, I mean really gone? Or was it that last year was full of death and trauma for me. Was it a combination of everything or was it just the straw that broke the camel’s back?
By the time I got into actually see the Doctor, I burst into tears and she confirmed I was smack back in the middle of anxiety attack. Thankfully my friend called just before I got to the Doctor’s otherwise, I probably couldn’t have even gone inside to see her.
I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced anxiety but my psychologist says Anxiety goes up and Depression goes down. With Anxiety your heart rate increases, you get very sensitive, you can’t tolerate the smallest of things, you tend to overreact, your breathing gets faster and you don’t seem to have control over your emotions or feeling. I can now describe it as a Volcano of emotions which consist of fear, frustration, stress, disappointment and overwhelm all at once. It can be really quick or in my case, looking back now, I think it started to build over a week because there were a lot of little triggers that were sneakily laying upon one another
Anxiety is what I call the secret thing, upon sharing my experience with close friends, I learnt that 3 of them have all had anxiety attacks and never told me. I’m not sure why, but I do understand that there is a sense of shame and disappointment that goes with it and it’s not an easy thing to describe or talk about unless you know that the person, you’re sharing with has also experienced it. Afterwards I was physically wiped out for about 3-4 days and because I was feeling absolutely exhausted, I then started heading towards depression.
Thankfully I rang my Grief & Loss Counsellor and didn’t allow myself to go down to depression but it’s only a days since its happened that I’ve finally been about to string enough words together to start writing this blog.
The main reason I’m sharing this with you is because I want you to know that: If you have anxiety attacks, you are not alone and here’s a list of things that helped me to stop it and then get come out the other side. I am back to good now so don’t worry about me, but I think this is a great opportunity to share some Tips that may help you.
Tips that may help you…
Call someone and ask for help – they may recognise what’s going on and help you to calm down.
Share your story with your friends and you might find out they have experienced anxiety too
Set up a code sentence like “I need you” with your friends so if you call and they don’t answer, you can text and they know to call you
Look at 5 things you can see and speak them out loud then,
Touch 4 things and say them out loud then,
Listen to 3 things I you can hear and say them out loud then,
Smell 2 things and say them out loud
Focus on your breathing and take some deep breathes
Take some medication to calm you down (if you have some) (some people might be really hesitant about his, I certainly am, but just last time I took 1 tablet and it helped calm my nervous system) which really helped.
Allow yourself time to really get settled again, it can take a few days and don’t get too down or start to allow yourself to head towards depression.
Once you are starting to come good again, do some reflection and see if you can identify what the triggers were.
Implement some small actions that will help with those triggers in future.
Create 1 or 2 goals and steps towards these changes
Step outside yourself and watch the direction the tornado is guiding you to
Use your scents to help shift the emotions.
After my anxiety attack ended
I used the steps above and figured out what the trigger was and have made some decisions around not returning back to the job that caused that. I focused on re-balancing and really got stuck into the scents to help shift my emotions – I’ll write a list below of what really helped me.
I am now spending time gardening, swimming the dogs, listening to music and I’ve started writing again. I have Let Go of a few security blankets, some grief, trauma and hurt and feel at peace. I am now very clear how I want my life to look like and have been focusing on that.
Scents to help shift your emotions
To Let Go & Clear my negative emotions, I used the Mind Cleanse and Letting Go scents and because they worked so well for me, we’ve created some special Mind cleanse packs to help you shift emotions and feel better faster.
I found that the Letting Go just helped me to Let Go of baggage and negative energy, whilst the Mind Cleese helped me to release old thoughts and beliefs. I feel very grateful I had these scents available on my shelf because I was able to access them as soon as I got home. I used them for about 4 days solid and alternative between them.
After this I then found myself turning to the Care & Comfort Scent, it’s a strong vanilla bean and it always makes me feel like I’m getting a great big hug. I burnt that for a solid week afterwards and had to make myself some more. I put the mosaic candle by the side of bed so that when I woke up in the morning, it was the first thing I would smell.
Anyway, I just wanted to share some tips and scents that really helped me in the hope they can help you too. Remember that anxiety isn’t something to feel shameful about and talking about it really helps.
Ever found yourself enjoying your life, everything is going well and then one morning you wake up only to find yourself amongst a tornado.
I call it the tornado of change!
It’s when everything around you is turned about face, thrown all over the place and everywhere you turn the wind is blowing out of control and constantly changing directions.
You are unable to guide or steer in any direction and you simply have to hang on and ride out the storm.
If you understand what I’m talking about, then keep reading, if not – file this away until the weather changes.
Just recently I found myself in the middle of a category 5 tornado. My relationship with brother and his family ended, my mum past over from cancer, my dog Jeru died of cancer, my dog Skyla lost all her puppies, my other dog sharman also had cancer and required surgery. I ended a very high paid job because I stood up for bullying and harassment and required a lawyer. My body had almost collapsed and every day was a struggle. I also attempted to start a new job amongst all of that and it was a total disappointment and don’t even get me started on covid. It was a rough year for me and I have no doubt it was for most of you too.
During the tornado I did everything I possibly could to remain stable and balanced and if you have experienced a life tornado you will know this is extremely challenging and difficult to do.
So now that tornado is gone, I’d like to offer some suggestions and knowledge to help you deal with the “change tornado” should one come your way?
Steps that help
Recognise and then acknowledge you are in the middle of the “change tornado”.
Do not resist or fight the tornado – allow it to exist and stay grounded (use the grounding scent)
Use the power of your mind to stay as calm as possible. (calm & relax or balance scents are good for this)
Start looking at your life, in particular the changes you need to make (I used the clarity scent)
Implement goals and steps towards these changes ( I used the creation scent for this)
Commit to the changes and take action
Trust the process of the tornado – don’t become fearful (the forward faith scent was super helpful for this)
Step outside yourself and watch the direction the tornado is guiding you to
Follow that direction and don’t hesitate to end, let go or complete with anything that is no longer for your higher self or highest purpose (the Letting Go scent is a must for this)
Tell your higher self you want the process to be completed with ease and grace
Be patient, trust, trust, trust
When the tornado ends
You will awake from an overwhelming emotional state (like feeling frozen in time) to feel quite calm, at peace and somewhat renewed. The world will look different, you will feel different and the winds of change will be yours.
It will become very clear that the universe sent the “change tornado” to shake you up and move you, to where you should be.
Know that your life will be extremely different from this point on.
My personal experience
The change tornado of 2021 has finished and now its time to start a fresh. I now have to time to discover who I am without all the things mentioned above. I have been gardening to get my balance. I’ve used every scent in the 5D collection and now I’m using the fresh start and yes scents for 2022. (2022 limited edition packs)
I am spending time gardening, swimming the dogs, listening to music and I’ve started writing again. I feel at peace and have become very clear on what I want my life to look like and really don’t care what others think or do.
So remember this
Everything is always perfect and life is simply amazing – you don’t need to control it, steer it or force anything. Even if it scares the shit out of you, the calm of the tornado is in the eye of the storm. So do your best to let the storm do its thing.
Allow the weather to be the flow of your life and trust the universal process.
What if each person you meet has something to give or share with us? I guess you could refer to it as an “exchange of energy”
It could just be a simple smile, a hello or it could be a life changing lesson. How do you know what each day will bring?
What if you approached life with an open mind and no expectations? Is that something you are aware of or think about doing?
The reason I’m asking these questions is because if you were to believe in fate or destiny, would being present (in the now) be one of the most beneficial practices to do in each and every moment?
Lets explore a bit more…
Whilst doing readings at a Body Mind Spirit Festival in Melbourne, what I noticed that weekend was that all the people who wanted readings and help, were all carrying a lot of pain, hurt, emotions and memories from the past.
Most of the people just wanted to feel ok within themselves, be at peace and get some of hope so they had something to look forward too. There were very few people that were in a good place and happy with their lives.
Whats the cost of living in the past? Carrying baggage?
1. if you are living in the past, you are not being open to the now or your future. You are constantly training your thoughts and emotions to reflect backwards and attach to the past issue, event or memory which then comes into your current moment. You taint your current moment with the past and most of the time its not the positive we remember but the negative. P.S the letting go scent is super helpful to let go.
2. your suitcase will get way too heavy to carry. ha ha!
I like to live in the future; to me it’s exciting, unknown and full of opportunity. I like to know whats coming so I can prepare for it. The only problem with this is there are minimal surprises and I tend to get very board when the future becomes today. I do my best to control it and what this has not allowed me to do is “be in the now”. There are times when I’ve not trusted destiny and tried to control it.
Hopefully this is reminder that it’s important to live in the now and know that – whatever is meant for you won’t go by you. (forward faith scent is sooo good for this)
Whilst in Melbourne there were so many events and moments that occurred, the Solaz team were constantly amazed. We were given signs, signals and messages for 6 days straight. It was like all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle just start presenting themselves and finding their own place in the puzzle.
The puzzle completed itself and all we did was go with the journey. We did not control, look into the future or the past. We were in each moment and it was the most wonderful 6 days I’ve had for quite a long time.
I continue to learn each day that the NOW is all that exists. Whilst I may see into the future due to my intuitive skills I am currently in a situation and am allowing it to work out AZ it should B!
I am doing what I feel, saying what I want and being in the moment and allow the jigsaw to form itself. I am allowing my footsteps to walk the path as it is presented. It’s a totally different feeling that what I’m used to and I’m enjoying it. It has magic, beauty and delight. There is a sense of sacredness that I’ve not felt before.
I feel an internal peace an inner knowing and a trust of self and the universe. I am not stressed or analysing I am simply going with the flow. Below are some tips;
The flow – when things aren’t flowing, take a few steps back – release your control and expectations, this will allow the natural universal rhythm to flow (our balance scent helps with this)
Control – release control as this interferes with the process and tends to slow it down
Trust – know that whatever is meant for you won’t go by you, even if it does the first time, remember – timing is everything
Jigsaw – look at it like a jigsaw puzzle all you need to do is put the border together and allow the pieces to find their way
Destiny – we all have a path to walk, so just walk it and experience all that you can.
The now – when you are in the now you should feel calm, happy and peaceful. Like an omni presence