Wow! There I was slowly losing it, bit by bit. I could feel my frustration turning in anger, I couldn’t speak properly, my temperature increased and driving was really difficult so I pulled over and parked my care. I turned off the music and when I arrived at the Doctors, I didn’t even remember getting there. I walked into the Doctors surgery, answered all the covid questions and everything bloody thing else they needed, only to find that my Dr was 15 mins late.
They asked me to wait in the car, I said NO it was 39 degrees so I didn’t. About 15 mins later they told me I had to wait outside and that my doctor was going to be another 30 mins. I felt the anger inside of me about to explode like a volcano and I remember looking around at the other people who were waiting and wondering why I wasn’t allowed to wait in the air-conditioning like them. I burst into tears and at the same time felt like I would hit something, so I stormed outside and luckily a dear friend rang me and I vented. I vented so hard I think she could have put the phone outside in the middle of a 6-lane highway and still heard me.
She said “you know what”, I think you’re having an anxiety attack. When she told me what was happening, everything made sense. It was in that moment; I was able to start to take control and breather. I remember that “Anxiety goes Up and Depression goes Down”.
My heart was racing, my mind wasn’t computing and I was super sensitive to any sound and noise. Yep, I was a mess and I had no idea what was going on. Mum died of Breast Cancer only 2 months ago and she was my best friend, used to live with me and help me with the business too. Did it just hit me that’s she’s gone, I mean really gone? Or was it that last year was full of death and trauma for me. Was it a combination of everything or was it just the straw that broke the camel’s back?
By the time I got into actually see the Doctor, I burst into tears and she confirmed I was smack back in the middle of anxiety attack. Thankfully my friend called just before I got to the Doctor’s otherwise, I probably couldn’t have even gone inside to see her.
I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced anxiety but my psychologist says Anxiety goes up and Depression goes down. With Anxiety your heart rate increases, you get very sensitive, you can’t tolerate the smallest of things, you tend to overreact, your breathing gets faster and you don’t seem to have control over your emotions or feeling. I can now describe it as a Volcano of emotions which consist of fear, frustration, stress, disappointment and overwhelm all at once. It can be really quick or in my case, looking back now, I think it started to build over a week because there were a lot of little triggers that were sneakily laying upon one another
Anxiety is what I call the secret thing, upon sharing my experience with close friends, I learnt that 3 of them have all had anxiety attacks and never told me. I’m not sure why, but I do understand that there is a sense of shame and disappointment that goes with it and it’s not an easy thing to describe or talk about unless you know that the person, you’re sharing with has also experienced it. Afterwards I was physically wiped out for about 3-4 days and because I was feeling absolutely exhausted, I then started heading towards depression.
Thankfully I rang my Grief & Loss Counsellor and didn’t allow myself to go down to depression but it’s only a days since its happened that I’ve finally been about to string enough words together to start writing this blog.
The main reason I’m sharing this with you is because I want you to know that: If you have anxiety attacks, you are not alone and here’s a list of things that helped me to stop it and then get come out the other side. I am back to good now so don’t worry about me, but I think this is a great opportunity to share some Tips that may help you.
Tips that may help you…
- Call someone and ask for help – they may recognise what’s going on and help you to calm down.
- Share your story with your friends and you might find out they have experienced anxiety too
- Set up a code sentence like “I need you” with your friends so if you call and they don’t answer, you can text and they know to call you
- Look at 5 things you can see and speak them out loud then,
- Touch 4 things and say them out loud then,
- Listen to 3 things I you can hear and say them out loud then,
- Smell 2 things and say them out loud
- Focus on your breathing and take some deep breathes
- Take some medication to calm you down (if you have some) (some people might be really hesitant about his, I certainly am, but just last time I took 1 tablet and it helped calm my nervous system) which really helped.
- Allow yourself time to really get settled again, it can take a few days and don’t get too down or start to allow yourself to head towards depression.
- Once you are starting to come good again, do some reflection and see if you can identify what the triggers were.
- Implement some small actions that will help with those triggers in future.
- Create 1 or 2 goals and steps towards these changes
- Commit to the changes and take action
- Trust the process of the tornado (see previous blog) and don’t become fearful
- Step outside yourself and watch the direction the tornado is guiding you to
- Use your scents to help shift the emotions.
After my anxiety attack ended
I used the steps above and figured out what the trigger was and have made some decisions around not returning back to the job that caused that. I focused on re-balancing and really got stuck into the scents to help shift my emotions – I’ll write a list below of what really helped me.
I am now spending time gardening, swimming the dogs, listening to music and I’ve started writing again. I have Let Go of a few security blankets, some grief, trauma and hurt and feel at peace. I am now very clear how I want my life to look like and have been focusing on that.
Scents to help shift your emotions
To Let Go & Clear my negative emotions, I used the Mind Cleanse and Letting Go scents and because they worked so well for me, we’ve created some special Mind cleanse packs to help you shift emotions and feel better faster.
I found that the Letting Go just helped me to Let Go of baggage and negative energy, whilst the Mind Cleese helped me to release old thoughts and beliefs. I feel very grateful I had these scents available on my shelf because I was able to access them as soon as I got home. I used them for about 4 days solid and alternative between them.
After this I then found myself turning to the Care & Comfort Scent, it’s a strong vanilla bean and it always makes me feel like I’m getting a great big hug. I burnt that for a solid week afterwards and had to make myself some more. I put the mosaic candle by the side of bed so that when I woke up in the morning, it was the first thing I would smell.
Anyway, I just wanted to share some tips and scents that really helped me in the hope they can help you too. Remember that anxiety isn’t something to feel shameful about and talking about it really helps.
Sending you love light and good vibes, AJe