Does overwhelm contribute to anxiety?

Does overwhelm contribute to anxiety?

Are you overwhelmed, anxious maybe both? And do they contribute to each other?

When searching the dictionary definitions I found way too many, so for the purpose of today’s message I’m going to work with these.

“to feel sudden strong emotion”:

“An uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or worry about something that is happening or might happen in the future”:

Now , thinking about both of those definitions, could you say that overwhelm comes before anxiety and can you see how it contributes/leads to anxiety?

What I can share with you is this.  Over the past 3 years my life was literally turned upside down and it felt like I was thrown facedown onto the ground, and all I could see was dirt . I felt so overwhelmed that anxiety came into my life and for a while it had a strong grip over me. There were days when my mind was racing, my emotions were up and down like a roller coaster and I couldn’t be in the present moment. I felt numb towards the things I normally love and I just couldn’t deal with the outside world, so my coping strategy was to minimise all interactions. I didn’t work, I rarely left the house and when I did, I felt overwhelmed and anxious.

I remember thinking, when will this end and at that time, I didn’t see any way out of it. To be honest, I didn’t even have the energy to start trying. I had this damn playlist on repeat and everyday took huge amounts of energy and effort to just get started.

I remember looking at my garden which is one of my major passions and thinking “there’s just too much to do”, I remember thinking “OMG I have too many dogs” and I even felt like “I was a burden to my friends”.  A big thought was “what am I even doing here on earth, I have no purpose”. These thoughts and feelings were heavy and exhausting and it was the worst repeat playlist I could listen to. Yet each day when I work up the playlist started all over again and the thoughts and feelings were heavy and exhausting.

Does any of this relate to you?

Are you starting to recognise your own automatic playlist ?

If yes, you most likely are experiencing overwhelm but may not be recognising it.

For me overwhelm definitely lead to anxiety and let me share with you how….

As mentioned, I would wake up and the playlist would start.  I would go outside to my gardens and the thought of “there’s to much to do” would start, and I would start to feel overwhelmed and after that, came the worry about “how can I maintain these in the future”. Bam! Right there is where the anxiety kicked in!.

Overwhelm for me was  “a strong emotion of there’s too much to do” and Anxiety was “how can I maintain these gardens in the future”. For me overwhelm is “how I’m feeling now” and the anxiety is “what might or is going to happen in the future”

So there I was, going out to the gardens which normally made me feel calm, in the moment and provided me with joy, to not even wanting to look at them.

Now here’s some good news…the best thing about overwhelm is that you can fix it relativity easy and when you understand how to do this, you don’t need to go into anxiety.

Here’s some simple steps that work for me and might work for you.

  1. Listen to all the things that overwhelm you, (I say listen because in most cases they are thoughts in your head).
  2. Get yourself some coloured post it notes (coloured is important) and a black Texta (also important) and write down 1 thought per post it note.  Examples: back garden, front garden, side garden.
  3. Put these on a bench, wall or anywhere you can see it. Once you’ve done that please go get a tea/coffee/smoothie/drink and go outside and enjoy that for at least 5-10 mins. Why? So your mind can have some space to let go of the overwhelming thoughts and create some space for the next step.
  4. If you think you can skip step 3, don’t, go and do it.
  5. If you have done step 3 now go back inside and for each post it note you wrote – put another underneath it and write down 1 action that needs to be done. Example: For Front Garden, I wrote “remove dead growth”.  For Back Garden I wrote “fix hoses”.
  6. Once you’ve done that take another break
  7. Now one you’ve done that, you can either start to take some action on some real easy things or you can just let it sit there until you ready to start.

How does this work?

Firstly when you listen to your playlist consciously (not just let it run on auto pilot) you can start to break it up into individual thoughts, which in turn, starts to break down the repetition and the link that each thought feeds into each other. By writing 1 thought onto 1 post it note, it also breaks down the overwhelm.

When you identify 1 simple action you can take, it allows your mind to change it’s focus from “there’s to much to do or its too hard” to  “there is something I can do” and this is so important because not only does it re-set the way you look at something, I found this prevented me from going into the anxiety feeling of “there’s too much to do”.

Now this method is very simple and very powerful and when you do it, all of the sudden you’ll start to experience a “want to do the things on your post it notes, it’s like your brain starts a new direction”.  It also takes the thoughts out of your head and puts them onto paper and this is super important because it frees up the mind and allows the universe to help you.

Example: I started creating a garden on the verge of my property because I had so many excess plants and it just had ugly energy and the council didn’t maintain it. So I wrote a list of things that I needed, mulch, trees, agapanthus, paint fence, trees,etc. The very next day I started on the road garden and to cut a long story short, I had neighbours giving me plants to put in the garden, I was given truckloads of mulch for freed, I found paint under the house I could use and everything I needed for the garden was provided (the universe helped).

Now, I also have lists for the house, the business and the fur family and I honestly can say “overwhelm doesn’t run my life and anxiety doesn’t really exist for me either:

Going to the psychologist and talking about it, didn’t help, it was just reinforcing the playlist. What helped me was getting the thoughts out of the playlist, onto post it notes so my mind and the universe could start to take action.

The other powerful thing about using this method is that at the end of a day or the week, when you start to pull your completed post it notes off, you get this sense of achievement and satisfaction which gives you positive energy and re-trains your brain because you can see what you’ve achieved.

The other thing that helped me tremendously is using the Anxiety Gone Pack. I found that when I used the Anxiety Gone scent, it started to help me release thoughts on so many levels that the more I used it, the more I started to feel lighter and more determined to achieve the actions on my post its.

I noticed that when using the New Beginnings scent, my mind started a new playlist and I started to get positive feelings towards the garden, my self and my life. Using this combination just amped up my results. I started with the Anxiety Scent first – Whilst using the melts/candle in the morning, I wrote out my overwhelming thoughts, wrote out the actions, had my tea and then once all my daily routines were completed (aprox 1-3hrs), I would then switch over to the New Beginnings Scent and start to do the actions.

When I couldn’t burn the candles or melts, I used the scent oil and placed them one my wrists so I could sniff one and then the other!

Now that I understand how overwhelm works (for me) and also know that the post it system works (for me) I feel a strong urge to share this with you.

With the help of my dad and the universe, 5 of my gardens are now looking immaculate and have gone to the next level. People who come here are commenting on them and the plants are happy and providing me with AHmazing energy.

Solaz Scents wise, I am organising and sorting things out that used to overwhelm me and I’m even putting in daily routines which I’ve never had before, plus I have a clear vision and am absolutely loving it

I am feeling authentic, going with flow, putting alot of post-its on my “completion pile” and I’m in the moment. Most of all I am so appreciate of the Anxiety and New Beginnings Scents, not only do they smell so lovely, they have just helped so much.

I hope this makes sense to you and most of all, I really hope you give this a go. Honestly I don’t miss “being overwhelmed” or “feeling anxious” and the best thing is that I’m very quick to identify when any type of overwhelm starts and the first thing I do is put on the Anxiety Gone Scent and then get out my post its.

I am grateful this process works for me and I trust and believe it will work for you too.

Note: Texta is important to use so you can read the post-its from a long distance and the different colours help your brain to separate them (if you use one colour your brain sees them as 1 big thing and that creates overwhelm.

Oh and if your interested in amping it up, I’ve put together a few Limited Edition Anxiety Gone packs so you can really set yourself up for success.. Hope this helps, regards Aje – Intuitive & Creator @solazscents

Shop Anxiety Gone Packs - Limited Edition

Does Grief ever go away?

Does Grief ever go away?

Is grief about moving on or living with it?

2021 was a big year for me! It went like this… 20th June, my son Jeru died of cancer that was all over his body and when I found out, I was told I’d be lucky if he would make two weeks.  He made 9 days. 

In those last 9 days, we would be in the car together and then go for walks in the park because we dropped my mum off at the hospital so she could have her daily radiation therapy. Two of my most loved souls and biggest rocks that I counted on were both dying at the same time, both leaving me.

June 30th after a long legal battle, I officially became unemployed after speaking up about bullying & harassment at a company I used to work for. So much for the system that’s supposed to support you!

September 9th Skyla (my girl dog) starts labour with the first pup being stillborn. The next pup is born and is also dead and didn’t look right. The third pup is born and its sack was black and green and that’s when I realised something had gone horribly wrong.  An emergency drive to the animal hospital, an x-ray and CT scan says there are 5 pups in total and all are dead.  They want to do surgery to remove the pups and de-sex her.

My heart sank, I couldn’t stop crying, I could hardly breathe, F$ck this was all too much, how much death can one person deal with at a time! It had gone from the excitement of something good happening for the year to another 5 deaths to deal with and almost losing Skyla as well.

September 11, Sharman (my other boy dog & Jeru’s son) has cancer and requires urgent surgery. Seriously is this really happening, I am in hell already?

September 28, a family member and her partner stayed at my house to help me with mum and the house. September 30, she leaves and got nasty on the way out.  There I was crying. I put my hand up for help to my family only to be shat on and to make it worse.

October 2nd, I was accused of not taking good care of mum and being nasty to her to my family who had not lifted a hand to come and help.  By October 11, the only family I had left was my mum, dad and Skyla & Sharman.

I was struggling to get thru every moment of the day, I realised there was no help coming. It was just me, helping mum full time and I had to cope. Every day was getting harder, she was getting sicker and sicker – the cancer was eating her from the inside and she started to have that dying look. She needed help with everything.

November 1 at 4am, mum had a fall and I struggled to pick her up. She smashed her face against the toilet wall and fell head first. She was in so much pain.

November 2 at 2pm, she was placed into palliative care.  It was such a hard thing to do. Place your mum into a place where you know she’s not going to return from. It was one of the hardest days of my life.

November 11 at 5pm, mum had a severe pain attack and I watched her scream and gasping for air as they used morphine and ketamine to trying and get the pain under control. By 7pm she was anesthetized because the pain was so bad.  It was that moment I knew mum had started to leave this earth. I drove home that night and really tried to not remember that image or feel that feeling but they are as vivid now, as they were then!

November 14 5:20am, mum died and I felt her leave. I woke up to this incredible warm feeling like my body was having a CT scan of warmth. I knew it was mum embracing me, saying goodbye, it felt so warming, loving and unconditional that I embraced it.  I recognised it, because its exactly what Jeru did after he died.

At 5:41am the phone rings and it was the palliative care nurse. I asked her, did my mum die 20 mins ago, she said, she died at 5:20am. I got out of bed, made a coffee and felt really happy for mum. I said out loud, Well done Mumze you made it to heaven, your pain is over.  I felt relieved.  

Then after you get some sleep, a few weeks later, reality sets in I realised she was gone!  Both mum & Jeru gone! My soul mates, they left me and I started to wonder why I was still here!  The duality of being happy for them but sad that I was still here started to set in.

So I’m fun, people love to invite me out and enjoy my company!  I’m doing great and life is AHMazing! 


But I am doing ok, because grief is not about moving on, because moving on implies that we forget, that we let go, that we replace. It’s like because that person or animal is dead, that everything has to die with them and we are not healthy or dealing with it if we don’t move on.  It’s like saying that life, death and love are just moments that I can leave behind me.

But if you love someone, do you have to leave them behind, or can they live with you?

Personally, my mum lives on with me in many ways, she’s helped me renovate my house and the windows that mum paid for are with me every time I look out of them, mum protects me from the wind & the rain.  Mum loves dragonflies and every time I’m missing her and I’m outside, all the sudden these dragon flies appear out of nowhere and they do infinity symbols around me.  

I have her cancer cap that hangs on a photo of her and every day she smiles at me because she’s on the screen saver of my computer.  My mum is in my heart, the songs that I sing, the flowers she planted and the very words that I write right now, because her last gift to me was a brand new MacBook because she knew I always wanted one and that one day I would start writing again.

Jeru’s son Sharman is here with me and every day, I see Jeru in him. Jeru also comes up on my screen saver and the dogs play with his favourite toy which has his scent on it. Jeru is still with us in spirit and the other day, Sharman became a father of some healthy puppies and I know Jeru is in there. Jeru’s in each and every one of those little cuties. 

I have a playlist that Jeru and I listened to for those last 9 days and when I want to feel him around me, I play it and I can vision him sticking his fluffy head out the car window.  He did everything he could to last as long as could just for me.

I’ve not moved on from Mum or Sharman but I am learning to move forwards with them. The pain and memories of watching Jeru collapse in his final moments and seeing mum suffer will always stay with me as they are a part of me and those dark deep moments only happened between us. It was so personal but I knew, it was my job to help them leave this life and transition to their next life.  It was horrific yet such a privilege at the same time.

I asked people if grief is about healing or about support and all but 1 person said support.

Perhaps it’s because grief isn’t something we move on from, let go of and try to wipe out. It’s an emotion and a feeling that can be triggered anywhere, anytime by anything. You don’t see it coming and most of the time you can’t control it.  Grief is an ongoing process and something that each and every one of us need support with.

My Grief & Loss Counsellor (Priss) says “you need to give yourself that moment and feel it” she says “they deserve that and it’s a way of honouring them”.  I believe it’s important to move forwards with them, to be grateful for the moments, memories and experiences you shared.

Grief support is something every person needs if they have experienced grief.

Tips to help with grief

  1. Allow the “grieving”. When you feel the wave of grief and you get a trigger, don’t stop it, get yourself to a safe place and allow your emotions and feelings to rise.  Have a cry, feel the sadness, the loss and remember the memory.
  2. Don’t move on, focus on allowing that person to move forwards with you. Allow them to be with you – this could look like, wearing a piece of jewellery, putting up some positive photos. etc. I have Jeru’s name tag on my key ring and I am wearing mums earrings.
  3. Reach out to your friends, share how you feel, cry with them, vent with them, let the hurt out.
  4. Talk to person/animal that has passed on, their physical might be gone but their spirit will be around you
  5. Create a playlist of their favourite songs – listen to it, cry if you feel like, or sign out loud to them
  6. Focus on a positive memory or experience that you had – I have some photos that make me smile when I see them and they bring back positive memories.
  7. Light a candle to help your emotions pass – you can use the grief support pack which is so comforting and soothing.

Be careful…

Don’t make the loss the centre of your life, that’s not healthy, just take parts of them with you. Grief is not something you understand until its yours.

When you experience grief, understand it’s not a moment in time, it’s not something that’s going to have an immediate fix, it’s there and it’s within you and not all wounds are meant to heal.

Remember that grief is a multi-tasking emotion and it can be ever so powerful.

Remember that grief is mixed in with a lot of emotions and even when a new chapter begins in your life you may feel like you are living in a parallel universe.  You may feel happy but the happiness or new love that you experience will bring up your love for the person before.  You may feel torn, guilty or not worthy but this is totally part of the process.

You are allowed to be sad for what was and be happy at the same time for what is

Anyway, I just wanted to share some tips and scents that really helped me in the hope they can help you too. Remember that you deserve to get what you want and Gratitude is a powerful secret that is here to help you.

Sending you love light and support, AJe

To help support you with grief…

We have put together some Grief Support packs

What others are saying about Grief Support…

“I lost my mum 7 years ago and after reading this blog, so many things made sense. I got the Grief Support pack and ‘to be honest, the Grief Support scent allows me to feel what I need to feel and at the same time I feel comforted and supported. The Feel Better scent has been helping me to regain my balance and it does make me feel better.” Jayne

“I wish I read this blog years ago but maybe I wasn’t ready, but after reading it, I got the pack and it is helping my to move through my grief and I’m finding its become lighter and lighter. The scents also smell lovely and I am so appreciative they have been made especially for such a sensitive time in your life.” Leonie